Thursday, December 17, 2009

I Did This For You

3:40 PM | Posted by MB Sponski | Edit Post

Fear is an ugly, all-consuming monster. I don't typical think of myself as a fearful person. ..Until I find myself feeling afraid of something:
Dangerous situations I imagine happening to us (usually late at night while I am lying in bed awake)
Sickness, accidents, yucky things that steal life
Confronting Issues I've grown accustomed to...comfortable with

Stinky devil: He comes to kill, steal, and destroy and with every fearful thought I give into LIFE is robbed from me.
Amazing Jesus: He has come to bring life...abundant, joyful, rich, peaceful, secure LIFE...all as I surrender my FEAR to Him.

So, I asked the Lord to show me what is in His heart. I asked Him to show me what He wants to do on this earth. I want to be one who brings pleasure to Him. I want to be someone who runs on this earth doing what He longs to see done. That's the beginning of a new place in my journey with Him. I love that He will never stop taking us new places with Him.

Fear...back I forth I trade places: Great faith (I will run hard after YOU, Jesus)....crippling fear (What if something terrible happens?)...great faith (I trust You. I will NOT be afraid!)....crippling fear (...but I FEEL afraid.) ...great faith (I CHOOSE to trust YOU!).

I bet Esther felt this way. Created for a "time", a season of history. Doubting. Called. Filled with questions. Empowered. Fearful. Chosen. Afraid. Courageous. Prone to worry. Bold, unafraid. Moments of great fear followed by great faith and strength. Faith wins. Life, abundant life poured for me; poured into me; pouring through me. Still I must fight the fear. Fear that, at times, I might deny even exists.

Last week it snowed all day on Monday. Two inches turned into four. Four inches turned into nine. I marveled at the beauty. Quiet, peaceful, majestic. Time stands still when you get a good snow storm. The pace slows. People stay home. The electricity goes out. No TV, no computer. Snow blanketed the hills, the roads. The trees were weighted down by the heavy snow. Untouched by the sun the snow was completely still. It did not move. It was silent. Peaceful. Beautiful.

Then we went to bed and FEAR began to stir. At least I thought it was fear. I am certain the enemy wanted me to align myself with fear, because he knows how fear steals from me, how fear robs me of my precious life. I began to think about those heavy, beautiful trees. The beautiful pines and cedar were made for snow, but the oak trees rarely carry the weight of such a load. Usually the first sign of the sun and the snow melts, even just a little bit, lessening the load. But not that night. I began to worry about a tree falling on our house. Where did that thought come from? I have lived right here for the majority of my life. I've never seen a tree fall anywhere on our property, and certainly, not anywhere close to this house.


Still the thought nagged my mind. I didn't tell Seth (and I absolutely did not tell the kids), but I thought if a tree fell it would be near the kids' rooms. So we decided to let the kids sleep in sleeping bags in our room that night. Before we went to bed I suggested that we all pray that no trees would hit our house. Each kid prayed and so did Seth and I .

At 1:00 a.m. Seth and I jolted out of bed after we heard a loud sound. We fumbled around for a bit making sure all the kids were in our room and then we made our way outside (in bare feet and driven by adrenaline). A tree had fallen and come within inches of hitting our house.

As we made our way back to bed an hour later I thought I heard the Lord say, "I did this for you." What did that mean?

I lay awake in bed for the next few hours interceding and thanking the Lord for putting in my heart to ask Him for such an obscure thing: "Please don't let a tree fall on my house." The Lord prompted us to pray something...to ask for His protection. I think He wanted me to know that His hand was on us...and that our prayers are powerful. Surrendered fear...fear that turns into intercession is powerful. God is waiting to change history...waiting for me to find His heart and to ask Him to do what is already in His heart to do. He wants me to know that He is alive and well and aware of me...little ol' me. That night He was waiting for me to ask Him to protect my house from a tree falling, because He knew that tree was gonna fall.

"I did this for you." hmmm? "You caused the tree to fall for me?" I asked Him. "I created a situation to give you a testimony...a reminder of my goodness, of my protection, of my nearness; I wanted you to know that My eye is on you and My hand is close. My ear is inclined to your voice. YOU don't have to be afraid."

It was a long night. I'd like to tell you that I peacefully drifted off to sleep nestled closely to Seth, peacefully resting in what God was speaking to me; but in all honesty, I was up most of the night, awakened by every sound. I had to surrender my fear OVER and OVER and OVER again that night and CHOOSE to trust that I was going to be safe. And I was safe.

He did that for me. His goodness envelopes me even when I cannot clearly see it. "I did this for you." Ahhhh, yes, Jesus. Thank you. Help me trust You when fear feels like it is trying to consume me. Remind me.


1 comments:

becky up the hill said...

Loved this, dear Mary. Especially with my own private fear the oaks will come crashing down. Then last year one did. Giant thing and barely did a thing..could have been deadly. God's grace. How you enjoying that fire wood? lol

January 6, 2010 at 6:08 AM

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